Gareth Southgate is known for his authenticity as a football manager, for being one of the good guys in sport and undoubtedly a role model.
That his very famous face is not unfamiliar inside of Martin House Children’s Hospice in Boston Spa speaks volumes about that authenticity and a largely unseen commitment to this charity for children and young people.
The England team manager is more than a figurehead supporter – as an ambassador for Martin House, his name at a fund-raising event does of course put bums on seats and hands in pockets to support the cause.
It’s perhaps more surprising to learn that he sits in on counselling sessions with bereaved families, hears their stories and becomes genuine friends with those parents on the worst possible of journeys – the loss of a child.
‘We visited Martin House one Christmas, probably seven years ago’, recalls Gareth, who lives in Harrogate with wife Alison, daughter Mia and son Flynn.
Alison was involved in the fund-raising Glitter Ball for the hospice.
‘I started to talk more to the families that were here – I had it in my mind that I wanted to do something here because it’s local, we’re dealing with children and families – and you always leave here thinking ‘that could have been us’.
‘I’ve gained a better understanding of what goes on here.’
This is through meetings with bereaved parents like Julie and Lee Walker whose daughter Holly was looked after at Martin House for many years of her life and who died in the hospice aged 24.
Gareth met the couple when they were leaving the hospice after saying a final goodbye to their daughter. They had been there with Holly and her siblings when she died and had been able to stay at the hospice with her for a further week.
‘Meeting Julie and Lee the day I did – you can’t help but be affected by that – but they left here in such a good place with their other children.
‘I’ve visited the counselling sessions and spoken to parents who had been through sessions after they had lost their little ones and that also has an enormous impact on me; they were coming out with pictures to show me, they wanted to talk about their children, which was an amazing experience.
‘The work that happens here – I can’t speak highly enough of it, the people, their passion for it, but also the specialism they have in dealing with palliative care. People find peace, calm but also lots of laughter.
‘At first it is quite difficult to know what to say to people, but you talk about family things – normal things as much as you can. When you talk to families who have been here, they will often talk about two or three very special moments they have been able to share.
‘It is powerful and emotional when Clair (Holdsworth, chief executive of Martin House), says, ‘you only get one chance to get a child’s death right.’
‘That is uncomfortable to listen to, but it is the reality of life here and what people here strive to do.’
This year’s fund-raising Glitter Ball will be held at Rudding Park Hotel, Harrogate on October 11.
Holly’s story
For parents Julie and Lee Walker, Martin House was a lifeline during the years they cared for daughter Holly.
Holly was diagnosed with Rett syndrome as a young child and had complex, life-limiting medical problems. When she was 10, the couple began visiting Martin House regularly for respite stays with Holly and their three other children. She died in 2021, aged 24.
‘We decided we didn't want Holly to die in hospital – we wanted her to die in Martin House in familiar surroundings, surrounded by people who knew her and loved her.
‘I was absolutely terrified in hospital but as soon as we got to Martin House, even though I knew Holly was going to die, I felt safe. All the staff were waiting for her, and it was the best thing we could have done for her.
‘Support from Martin House doesn’t end when a child dies, we were able to stay with Holly for a week after she died. It is unimaginable losing a child but to then be separated from them is unthinkable, so that week means everything to me.’
Julie, Lee and the family are committed fund-raisers for Martin House. In 2021 with friends and family they too Holly up Pen-y-Ghent as a fundraiser for Martin House and every year they remember her with a similar charity trek. Says Lee, 'the event grows every year. This year we will be a group of 20 people. We are all eager to help raise money for Martin House.
'We take a small picnic including a small bottle of prosecco and champagne flute and we sit at the summit and remember Holly.'
Ruby & Sophia
Life with five-year-old twins Ruby and Sophia is a joy for parents Lyndsey and Kevin Chand, but it can also turn to fear in a second.
The girls have a condition known as alternating hemiplegia of childhood (AHC), which means that at any time they could stop breathing or go into full body paralysis.
‘They are very normal children with very, very rich lives but they're dealing with unimaginable challenges', says Lyndsey.
‘Any situation you can imagine, they have probably stopped breathing - this is happening sometimes on a daily basis ‘, she adds.
Martin House has been a lifeline.
‘My first memory of Martin House was the day after we got our diagnosis. Dr Ross came to see us in hospital. And he was the first person apart from family who asked me how I was – that set the tone for our interactions with Martin House who have always put our family at the forefront of everything they deal with, offering us practical support.
‘Nurses came out to spend time at our home helping us manage the condition and letting us have a little bit of respite.
‘Every outing was a huge undertaking so to be able to go out with two nurses who were there to deal with any of the medical symptoms the girls could have while we could just enjoy being a family was amazing. It was such a relief.
‘On our first stay we spent three nights at Martin House and that was the first time we’d had a good night’s sleep for a year.’
Back the Build
The £21m build at Martin House will future-proof the hospice, providing state-of-the-art facilities – even a Love Island-style courtyard for teenagers using the service.
That’s one of the less obvious requests that has come from those who use the building, which looks after babies, to young adults from all corners of Yorkshire.
The Lodge will be a teenage wing, recognising that the needs of this group of patients are unique but nevertheless vital. There will be a recording studio, bedrooms designed by teens who use the hospice, an interactive sensory den, gaming zone – and that Love Island-style courtyard with a firepit chillout area.
There will be an education wing and a wellbeing wing as well as a children’s wing with play room, art therapy room and overnight family rooms so siblings and extended family can stay. Seven hotel-standard bedrooms will be built for parents.
Clair Holdsworth, chief executive at Martin House is urging the people of Yorkshire to get behind the fund-raising campaign to add the final £2m to bring the build to fruition and future-proof the vital services if offers.
‘Sometimes we go on a journey with families that might last days, weeks or years. Thankfully not many people have to use a children’s hospice but it is about that journey when it is needed. 24/7 medical cover is one of the things we provide, and it is quite unusual – we are there when parents need us – and it is very often in the middle of the night when it is scary – sometimes they needed definite medical advice and sometimes it is reassurance that what they are doing is right.’
Times are challenging for all charities, but Clair hopes the people of Yorkshire will ‘Back the Build’.
‘This public phase seeks the support of the people of Yorkshire to get us over the line and raise the £2m which will mean we can finish the project.’
Find out how you can help at martinhouse.org.uk
