Following the tragic death of his daughter, Tim Owen from Norfolk has united with two other bereaved fathers to raise money in their memory by walking the length and breadth of the country. Now they’ve written a book about their experience
Walking 300 miles in three weeks alongside two people you barely know would be a challenge in itself, but for ‘3 Dads Walking’ there were also camera crews, reporters and well-wishers to negotiate.
‘We had no idea that we would attract so much attention,’ says Tim Owen, who joined Andy Airey and Mike Palmer to walk from Cumbria to Norfolk in the summer of 2021. ‘We’re three normal blokes from three different parts of the country, from different backgrounds, with a common cause. We just wanted to raise £3,000 and a bit of suicide prevention awareness.’
They had met because a few months previously they had all lost their daughters – young women full of promise – to suicide and wanted to do something to process their grief, and to help stop other families experiencing what they had gone through.
‘We chose to push back, to not allow it to overwhelm us, to build something positive from the shattered pieces of our lives. We wanted to do something and that is what it became: Three Dads Walking.’
Their quest – to walk through each of their home counties, from the Lakeland fells, through the Peak District dales, to the open, exposed fens of East Anglia – quickly caught the attention of BBC Breakfast then press agencies all over the world, and gained celebrity support. ‘I was at the station waiting for my train to Penrith, wondering what I’d signed up for,’ says Tim. ‘Then my phone pinged with a WhatsApp message from the charity PAPYRUS - Daniel Craig was donating £10,000.’
There was no turning back at that point, and the men not only completed the walk (and one year later completed another of twice the distance), raised more than a million pounds, met with government about suicide prevention (and are awaiting the conclusions of a public committee about putting the subject on the National Curriculum in schools), but have also just published a book recounting their experience.
Based on journals they kept independently, ‘Three Dads Walking: 300 Miles of Hope’ is a powerful and uplifting book, giving each man’s story of family and friendship, purpose and hope. They share their personal tragedies but also what they have learnt together, their coping strategies and their motivation for the future. Inevitably it is deeply moving.
Tim’s daughter, Emily, was just 19 when she took her life at the family home in March 2020. She was a kind, talented, sociable young woman who was learning to cope with a recent diagnosis of having high-functioning autism. She had been working at the village pub, was rowing and going to the gym, and had learnt to drive, but as lockdown hit she struggled at having to stay at home.
Living in Shouldham, everyone in the village would have seen the emergency vehicles on that terrible day and Tim and the family were open about what had happened from the outset. Covid meant that people couldn’t get alongside them as they might have done but ‘we experienced this outpouring of love, of people wanting to support us,’ Tim says. ‘It was lovely to know there was this care in the world.’
Tim came to meet Mike and Andy through his eldest daughter. She had reached out on social media after discovering that Mike had a similar story, with the loss of his daughter, Beth. When all three men met, they quickly bonded, recognising they wanted to do something to prevent others going through the same experience.
Some 6,000 young people, including around 200 school-age children, lose their lives to suicide each year, Tim says. ‘If that many children died in school or a terrorist attack, we’d do something about it. We’d never let that happen again.’
It’s important to talk about the subject, he says, and overcome the taboo just as we have with things such as cancer. ‘If suicide is the biggest killer of our young people, why don’t we tell them about it?’ Tim says. ‘We don’t want to normalise suicide, but we don’t want to stigmatise it.’ Unfortunately, as young people have access to the internet, if family, friends and teachers don’t speak to them about it, they will find answers elsewhere.
‘We met many other bereaved people,’ says Tim of strangers who approached them during the walk. ‘They were able to talk to us because we’d been through it. It was a privilege to hear their stories.’
It was a burden for the men to carry, too, but being outside, walking and talking together, and knowing they had to cover a certain distance, gave them purpose.
‘You’re walking side by side,’ says Tim, ‘not looking at each other. You’re in the great outdoors with your legs aching, the rain or the wind on your face, trying to navigate - there’s something very healing about covering the distance. You realise you’re quite small, experiencing the power of nature.’
They were able to take in the different landscapes of the regions they covered and, for Tim, it meant a new appreciation of Norfolk, his home for more than 30 years. ‘We have big views, wildlife and the smell of the sea. And when we came back to our village the reception was immense.’
He’d had to walk past places which had huge significance for him and his family, and which held memories of Emily. And Tim, Andy and Mike finished the walk in The King’s Arms, the village pub where Emily had worked. ‘It was strange, but good, to be there with Mike and Andy, after all that we’d shared together. Friends said how fantastic it was to hear all these different accents in this pub in Norfolk. Homecoming was fantastic.’
All three men agreed they’d had the most amazing experience walking together, forging friendships and being able to honour their daughters’ memories in this way. ‘I needed to see something good from Emily’s short life,’ says Tim. ‘And keep her memory alive. I never would have thought Prince William or the Prime Minister would be talking about my daughter - but I’d give all that up in a moment if I could have her back here with me.’
Three Dads Walking: 300 Miles of Hope by Tim Owen, Mike Palmer and Andy Airey, published by Robinson, is priced £22.
3 Dads Walking have been walking again, raising money for PAPYRUS, a UK charity dedicated to the prevention of young suicide and the promotion of emotional wellbeing in young people. Their latest walk of 500 miles started in Stirling on 17 April 17 and finished on May 11 in Norwich. www.3dadswalking.uk
PAPYRUS runs HOPELINE247 where trained advisers can help young people who are experiencing thoughts of suicide. Phone 0800 068 4141, text 07860 039967 or email pat@papyrus-uk
