Looking after yourself 

Dark days and long nights can increase feelings of loneliness and isolation. Aaron Davis and Rosie Doherty-Davis of Catalyst Counselling look at the issue 

Is loneliness on the increase? 

From birth, human beings seek relationship. We all have a drive to find someone or something with which to be connected, even if that someone or something does not turn out to be very good for us.  There is increasing evidence that loneliness is becoming a growing problem in societies around the world.  From a health perspective, three quarters of GPs in the UK say that up to five of their patients each day attend because they are lonely.   

These days being connected may be less about face -to- face contact and more about distance and virtual relationships. This was invaluable during the pandemic but may not be serving us well in the longer term. 

Advertising and social media messaging, particularly during Christmas and New Year, expose us all to idealised images of friends and family together. For many, this is like rubbing salt into a wound as the reality of life is often far from this ideal.  

Contemporary living, with the pressure to succeed and be happy, is taking a heavy toll, particularly on the younger generations resulting in a warped sense of who they feel they should be, leading to a feeling that, either they need to comply with this version of success, or feel there’s something wrong with them. The sense of isolation resulting from this can be profound. 

Sadly, modern discourses can medicalise and individualise loneliness, partly due to the potential it has to coincide with feelings of depression and anxiety, rather than it also being an issue associated with changes in the way we are living. 

Why is loneliness a problem?  Surely a bit of time alone can be a good thing?  

Loneliness is associated with poorer mental and physical health.  It has also been linked to depression, to anxiety, to bereavement and loss. For many it is a feeling of being left out, of not fitting in, and being on the outside of something. Over time it contributes to a real loss of a sense of wellbeing and affects our immune systems and thus our physical health. 

That said, some time alone, or ‘positive solitude,’ is something we all need whereby we can rest and process the demands of our public and private lives; this is regenerative and creative, as opposed to lonely solitude. We all need a balance in our lives, however, in order to be able to appreciate and make use of time spent alone. 

Is it more common in rural or small-town areas?  

Traditionally we have thought of loneliness as referring to the elderly, recently bereaved or those living in isolated rural communities where it certainly can still apply.  In these situations, social isolation may be compounded by a lack of transport, distance from family and friends or, disability. 

In the modern digital age of rapid social change, it may not matter where you live, much will depend on the way an individual experiences their alone time. Busy lives and stress can increase a sense of disconnection. 

What are the signs that it is becoming an issue that you can’t ignore any more? 

We may begin to recognise loneliness in ourselves by low mood, lack of energy or increasing withdrawal, longings and cravings for someone or something: a pet, an online relationship, daily trips to the supermarket, increased alcohol consumption, comfort eating, a preoccupation with checking messages, with social media and so on.  Solitude is then something to be avoided rather than enjoyed. 

Finally, it is worth remembering that during the pandemic what so many people missed was the physical aspect of relationships, the importance of touch and closeness. 

Catalyst Counselling CIC is a social enterprise with bases in Rollesby and Lowestoft. It offers counselling and mental health support services to individuals and businesses. catalyst-wcs.org.uk 01502 516957