How to do the best job at the wedding

You’re in the wedding party and you want to do a good job. Besides not taking yourself too seriously, read on for our ideas of how to be the best

Pictured at the wedding of Gemma and Jozef Czech, bridesmaid Sophie Smith helps the groom with his buttonhole. Picture by Sonya Duncan Photography (Image: Sonya Duncan Photography)

Bride

Be organised but don’t micromanage, be relaxed but not ambivalent, make decisions but don’t be over-controlling, be interested but not obsessed, have what the pair of you want but consider your bridal party and guests’ feelings too, don’t break the budget, delegate but don’t give others too many tasks. Understand that they want to be involved but they do have busy lives too. If you’re feeling stressed, say so. Be thankful for what you have. Keep smiling. Good luck!

Pictured are Natasha Easter and her dad Tony Easlea at her wedding at Dereham's St Nicholas Church. Picture by Sonya Duncan Photography (Image: Sonya Duncan Photography)

Groom

Pictured at Neil and Lauren Thomson's wedding are (from left) Fiona McDonald, Neil Edwards, Neil Thomson, Neil Smith, Anthony Barker and Robert Castle (Image: Sonya Duncan Photography)

Practise saying “Yes dear” and sounding convincing that you do care about everything from how cute that lace looks tied around jam jars to whether or not the flowers will match the napkins. Be genuinely helpful, do what you say you’ll do and, yes, she does want a hand writing those addresses, making the table plan, choosing the cake, deciding on the playlist and keeping tabs on replies and expenses, even if she says she doesn’t.

Pictured at the wedding of Jenna and Antony Evans is their son George who is helping his mummy with her dress. Picture by Sonya Duncan Photography (Image: Sonya Duncan Photography)

Best man

You’re the one who has to put the groom first, unless he’s failing to be a good groom (see above) in which case you need to have a word. Be there for him, he needs to know you have definitely got his back. Be ready with a listening ear when he gets the wobbles, or is fed up with his groom-ly duties. Organise the best stag party you can, be reliable, wear what you’re told and on the day, be on time, make sure he’s on time and expect to be the person everyone turns to when they have a query.

The colouful bridesmaids (from left) Katie Lillystone, Jessica Leeder, Leanne Howard, Loise Robinson-Stanley, Katie Eccles and flowergirl Daisy Wells (Image: Sonya Duncan Photography)

Mother of the bride

The ceremony at the wedding of Kelly Hinkley-Hardman and Adrian Hinkley at Norwich Cathedral. Picture by Sonya Duncan Photography (Image: Sonya Duncan Photography)

Rather similar to the groom here. Ask what you can do to help, and offer to step in when she’s snowed under with glitter which won’t stick to the glass votives, or can’t track down the perfect ribbon, or candles, or shoes. Expect to bite your tongue, a lot, and be supportive. Only give an opinion if asked. Good luck with that.

A romantic moment at Neil and Lauren Thomson's wedding at Hoveton Hall (Image: Sonya Duncan Photography)

Mother of the groom

Your job is to say positive things about everything, this may take some practise. If you’ve a particular skill, such as calligraphy, cake-making, research skills for finding good seamstresses or children’s entertainers, diversion activities to stop others interfering or space to store the favours, offer it. Don’t be upset if you’re turned down, but do offer again.

Chief bridesmaid/matron of honour

A mixture of all the above roles, plus the shoulder to cry on/ear to lend when any member of the wedding party wants to moan about another. Don’t expect to choose your dress but do hope your bride will compromise if you really detest yellow. Be helpful and do what you say you’ll do, whether that’s getting to know the other bridesmaids, organising a fun, affordable hen party, convincing the best man not to take the groom clubbing the night before the wedding, chatting to every guest at least briefly or writing and re-writing the directions and signs from the church to the hard to find venue.

Flower girl

Wear what you’re told, smile and look cute, continually.

Guest

RSVP on time with any dietary requests, don’t make daft demands, be on time, behave well, don’t take along uninvited guests to a formal do, be sociable and join in, don’t get drunk, dress appropriately, understand that they’ve done the best they can so be positive even if you don’t like the venue, food, flowers, music or her dress. Don’t take too many photos (the couple want to see you, not a wall of phones) and don’t post pics online before the couple. For extra brownie points, send a thank you note afterwards

With thanks to all the couples featured here who have kindly allowed us to use pictures from their happy days.