Vanda James is head of Birketts’ award winning South East Family Law Team, with 30 years’ experience of family law issues
Q: I’m a romantic at heart and as the festive season approaches, it’s made me think about a more permanent future with my partner and what the next stage in our relationship might look like. Do you have any advice?
Vanda says: It’s really heartening to hear that your relationship is going so well that you are thinking about a permanent future together. If it is simply about strengthening your relationship at this stage, you could start a holiday tradition together that symbolises your commitment and is something which only the two of you share each year.
However, if getting married in the future is important to you, what better way to take a step towards this than by way of a Christmas proposal? Many couples choose the festive holiday to commit to their loved ones and a Christmas proposal can be a wonderful start to the New Year and a lifetime of shared memories.
You might want to consider what would feel most special for both of you which could be something heartfelt rather than a grand gesture. Of course, some couples prefer not to marry and instead, may choose to enter a civil partnership or simply live together. A proposal of any nature marks a pivotal moment in a relationship as it is a commitment to a shared future.
Beyond the romantic allure of a proposal, it is a great opportunity for couples to align their goals, values and expectations. You don’t mention where you are living at the moment, but if you are thinking of moving in together this can be an exciting major step.
While sharing a living space can be thrilling, it can also expose differences that you might previously not have noticed. So, you might also want to think ahead about discussions you will have about career aspirations, financial habits, responsibilities and lifestyle choices to help understand each other’s expectations as this will help create a harmonious future.
In the context of modern relationships, some couples decide to formalise their arrangements by having an agreement which sets out some ground rules. These agreements are not about anticipating failure but about encouraging transparency and understanding.
They can cover a range of topics from financial contributions to the division of household jobs and can serve as a road map for navigating potential challenges. With higher interest rates and the cost of living increasing, parents are having to provide financial support which often includes helping couples buy their first home and these agreements can offer protection if the unthinkable happens and things don’t work out. Ensuring the foundations are in place will enable your relationship to flourish.
Building a future together is a fabulous mix of excitement and patience. Enjoy this stage because thinking about what comes next is all part of the fun – Merry Christmas!
About Vanda James
She has been ranked in legal directories Legal 500 and Chambers UK consistently for the last 17 years. The 2024 edition of Chambers states: “Unarguably, Vanda is one of the strongest matrimonial finance solicitors in Kent”.
Another solicitor said: “She’s approachable and responds very effectively to achieve a favourable outcome for her clients. She’s an absolute pleasure to work with.”
Vanda is the former President of Kent Law Society and was also identified in 2023 as one of the top 10 pioneering family lawyers transforming matrimonial law in Kent by Business Today.
Vanda James has been a trained collaborative lawyer since 2006 and is a member of Resolution.
