This month Holly Moore wants to talk about the power of friendship
This summer has been the Summer of Love for me. So many of our friends got married, which has given us such a wonderful opportunity to travel - Portugal, Spain, Majorca and the UK.
I am so lucky to have so many diverse friends, who enable me to be my best self and grow and develop, are unflinchingly honest when I need it, and the very best of cheerleaders when I need that.
Self-awareness and self-esteem
We are our own worst critics and quite capable of bashing ourselves into a crumbling mess. An exercise I have done to improve my own self-acceptance and self-esteem is to ask my friends what my best qualities are and what they love about me – why, in essence, do they want to be my friend? You can then put these in a list and read them and remind yourself of all your great qualities on days you’re feeling low.
The old adage is true - birds of a father do flock together and some of my friends share my love of goal setting and we have travelled to Tony Robbins, Oprah Winfrey, Roxie Nafousi and more together. We turn it into a mini break and after any self-development courses we book the next day off to go through our notes and set our goals.
Another thing we do at the start of the year is a vision board party. We get A1 pieces of card, glue, scissors and lots of magazines and make our boards together with wine (or not depending if we are doing Dry January!)
My friends always look forward to my annual Anything is Possible Conference and take pride of place on the front row.
We have also instigated what we call Supper Discussion. A monthly dinner held at someone’s house, the host cooks a healthy three-course meal and serves non-alcoholic drinks. They also pick a topic and that is all we are allowed to talk about. It leads to a much deeper conversation based on one topic rather than jumping from thing to thing.
Friends become family
I also have many friends of course who are not at all interested in personal development and in this lovely diverse world, all your chosen friends become family and their family become an extended family. My sister lives overseas and I don’t have children so I love being able to spend time with my friends’ families and bringing them together with mine.
Toxic friendships
One thing I have learnt over the years is how to view a broken friendship for the best outcome for you mentally.
I got to about my late 30s and had never lost any friends, in fact I had accumulated them and prided myself on so many pockets of friendships. However, as I stepped into my early 40’s I found that some of these friendships were no longer working, for either of us. There’s another phrase I have heard: ‘friends for a season’, and some of my friendships fell into this category, and some simply became toxic.
I learned the best lesson about this at a business conference I went to. There was a speaker talking about customer relationships “Your Customers Truth is your Truth”; I’ve never forgotten it. What he meant was if a customer complains or is being negative about you or your business – it really doesn’t matter what you think because they think it and they will tell other people. It got me to thinking about friendships in that way.
There are friendships that I have lost that I do feel where I was “in the right”, but on reflection as much as I think I am right, they also think they are right, too. And really are either of us? We are just living in our truths. There’s no good that will come from stewing on a friendship that is lost, just be thankful for the part it played in your life. Equally, don’t stress about losing touch or drifting away from old friends where the things you had in common are no longer there – these friendships were great for who and where you were then, not who and where you (and indeed your friend) are now.
Finally, if there are ‘friends’ in your life who no longer make you feel good, who leave you doubting yourself, who don’t celebrate your successes or cheerlead you through tough times, it’s time to set them free, too.
As I reflect on the Summer of Love with my friends – and what a summer it’s been as I have organised and attended hen dos, had roles as a bridesmaid, the celebrant (I carried out the service, and LOVED it!), witness, planner and just a run of the mill guest – I am so, so thankful to my friends, who inspire me to work harder, to achieve more, who keep my feet on the ground and are there for me at my worst, and who make me belly laugh all the time.
So today take a moment to reflect on your friendships past and present: forgive a friend you have fallen out with; message a friend you love and celebrate your chosen family.
Holly Moore is a Cheshire-based business owner, running three businesses in Wilmslow, founder of podcast Anything is Possible, and the annual personal development conference, Anything Is Possible Live.
anythingispossiblebrand.co.uk
